Bared to You by Sylvia Day

Bared to You

From #1 "New York Times" bestselling author Sylvia Day comes the provocative masterstroke of abandon and obsession that redefined the meaning of desire and became a global phenomenon... "Gideon Cross came into my life like lightning in the darkness." "" He was beautiful and brilliant, jagged and white-hot. I was drawn to him as I'd never been to anything or anyone in my l...

Title:Bared to You
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Bared to You Reviews

  • Wendy

    Hot, passionate and totally addictive read.

    The chemistry between Eva and Gideon, explodes on the page. They are made for each other. They're not perfect, as they have their own issues to deal with. But as they work themselves through it, you'll be taken on an emotional ride like no other. Wow, what a ride!

    Gideon

    If you want a great story with a lot of heat, you can't go wrong with this book. Loved it!

  • Aestas Book Blog

    This book was absolute perfection for me!! It had me

    over Gideon Cross and had me reading for the better part of it with the world's biggest grin on my face. It was the perfect blend of heart warming,

    , and seriously tortured Alpha hero (and heroine).

    The story is told from the perspective of Eva Hammel, a 24 year old girl who comes from money but wants to make it o

    This book was absolute perfection for me!! It had me

    over Gideon Cross and had me reading for the better part of it with the world's biggest grin on my face. It was the perfect blend of heart warming,

    , and seriously tortured Alpha hero (and heroine).

    The story is told from the perspective of Eva Hammel, a 24 year old girl who comes from money but wants to make it on her own in the world. She chooses to start at the bottom and work her way to the top and gets a job in an advertising agency where she meets the guy who owns the company she works for (and pretty much everything in NYC) Gideon Cross and its just an instant connection between then. Sparks fly from the first glance. And things go from there.

    He's so messed up but he's trying his absolute best to be everything his girl needs him to be. I love how on the outside he's this unobtainable larger-than-life god but on the inside, he's just a man who wants to be loved by his girl.

    There are a lot of wonderful book couples out there but the thing that made me just LOVE this book was how

    Gideon and Eva were. Despite both having very messed up pasts, and both having their fair share of f*ck ups, they worked through

    functional and passionately in a way that deeply warmed me heart. I loved how open and honest they learned to be with each other. They both made mistakes but they were understandable mistakes, nothing that make me want to throw my Kindle at the wall, nothing where I couldn't understand the reaction they had, and they always talked everything through after. I loved how their love for each other made them stronger than any problems that came their way. It was so refreshing and heart warming.

    I loved how neither of them were man-whores or virgins before meeting each other. Not that I have a problem with either one. But it was refreshing and realistic that they had both been in a normal amount of relationships for a couple of mid-twenty year olds.

    I also LOVED the side characters. Eva's boss Mark and his partner Steven were delightful and fun. Her bi-sexual room-mate and best friend Cary was just so lovable. He was the ultimate big brother character with his own set of problems - I really really hope he gets a HEA. He so deserves one! We don't get to see much of his past, but you can tell its really heart-breaking. I loved how he knew Eva so well, he just knew when something was wrong just by looking at her.

    And did I mention how utterly HOT this book was?? I swear I was fanning myself from the moment they met (which was pretty much right at the beginning) till the very last page.

    For those of you wondering about the connection between this book and Fifty Shades, I'd say they have about as much in common as Fifty Shades does with Twilight. Sure the basics are similar, mega-billionaire hero who is possessive of his girl... wait, no, that's it actually. The BDSM element is utterly UNlike Fifty. There is no contract or anything like that, and it only comes up about 70% of the way through the book, and only briefly at that. Its more about the sexual control, but even then, its not about the kinky f*ckery the same way that Fifty was. But don't let that deter you, this book is HOT, SEXY, deeply emotional, and a serious page turner.... I found this book more deeply emotional than Fifty and I loved Gideon even more than Christian which is saying a lot cuz all of the Fifty books are on my 6 star list.

    … and gah, the library scene!!! *dies* seriously

    The ending was in a perfect place. Happy, resolved but leaving me biting my nails waiting for October to pleeeeease get here faster!!

    This is a MUST read!! I’m buying it in hard copy to put on my favorites shelf and know for sure that I’ll be rereading it many times!! *swoon*

    CASTING:

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  • Karla

    This is a sophisticated, provocative, titillating, highly erotic, sexually driven read and is extremely well done. The title fits the book in more ways than one. It not only applies to the sexual nature of the book, but how Eva and Gideon give of themselves to one each other in body, mind, heart and soul. Eva is a smart, self-assured woman who finds herself drawn to the charismatic, enigmatic Gideon. Their relationship is initially based solely on sex, but their connection is so po

    This is a sophisticated, provocative, titillating, highly erotic, sexually driven read and is extremely well done. The title fits the book in more ways than one. It not only applies to the sexual nature of the book, but how Eva and Gideon give of themselves to one each other in body, mind, heart and soul. Eva is a smart, self-assured woman who finds herself drawn to the charismatic, enigmatic Gideon. Their relationship is initially based solely on sex, but their connection is so powerful, that they are overwhelmed with the need to be with one another. Most times their dates, rendezvous, encounters…whatever, result in some very primal raw sex. The two of them are insatiable, especially Gideon, who takes it to a level with Eva that leaves her completely undone. The scenes are quite vivid, and the feelings they exude…well WOW and WOW and WOW again!! Gideon is all about giving pleasure and then saving his for last. I was EXHAUSTED!! The misting fan could not compete with his exuberant bouts of sex, yet, none of this ever felt dirty, but necessary for the two of them. Much of this has to do with the fact that Eva and Gideon are tormented from past trauma and this is a form of healing for them. Eva’s confides in Gideon, and he is slowly opening himself up to her.

    So, as the book came to its conclusion the story of Eva and Gideon did not. I was satisfied enough that I could leave them for a while, but I need to know how this all plays out, and that my friends will remain to be seen…hopefully in October! In the meantime...I can't recommend this book enough, you will run the gambit of emotions while you join Eva and Gideon on their quest to find themselves and each other.

    This is my

    ...I know he doesn't have blue eyes, but the rest...ahhhh!

    Just my thoughts on this matter!

    Much has been made about the comparison of

    and

    , and frankly I don’t see it. In any romance and sub-genre there are always going to be similarities, it can’t be helped, but the direction the story takes, the personality of the characters, how they are presented, and of course the writing, is what makes each of them unique. I enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey, but I loved Bared to You. There is no doubt that EL James is a gifted author, but Sylvia Day is a talented, skilled writer and has written an exceptional book. So, if I had to choose between the two…Bared to You...without a doubt is my pick!! Why? Because it's

    !

    Crossfire by Brandon Flowers

  • ♡Karlyn P♡

    I do get the comparison, but truly this is a MUCH better read. Simply put, this book had the polish that FSoG grossly lacked. (I read FSoG just before I read this one. Sadly, I found it disturbing and only gave it a

    .)

    --hero is a young (late 20's), gorgeous, brilliant zillionaire business mogul who sports non-stop erections and has sex on the brain 24/7

    --hero has a controlling and obsessive desire for the h

    I do get the comparison, but truly this is a MUCH better read. Simply put, this book had the polish that FSoG grossly lacked. (I read FSoG just before I read this one. Sadly, I found it disturbing and only gave it a

    .)

    --hero is a young (late 20's), gorgeous, brilliant zillionaire business mogul who sports non-stop erections and has sex on the brain 24/7

    --hero has a controlling and obsessive desire for the heroine, including a jealous streak that is off-the-charts

    --hero a has a dark and tortured soul that shapes his very world, brought on by years of abuse as a child

    --hero maintains a platonic relationship with his past sexual partners, which drives a major wedge with the heroine

    --HOT, HOT, HOT sex scenes

    -- Gideon isn’t a predator. Unlike Grey, Gideon never tries to coerce and manipulate Eva into doing anything that is for his sole pleasure alone. He doesn’t try to coerce and manipulate her into believing his desires should be the only desires that matter.

    --Eva has about 100+ IQ points on Ana, and can actually converse in an intelligent conversation without all of the “Whoa!”, “Oh, My!” and “Gasp!” (To say I like Eva better than Ana is an understatement!)

    --Gideon isn’t into ‘period sex’.

    --No BDSM, at least not yet. This series will continue, so hard to say where it will go. Hmmmm. There was some light talk of subs & doms, pain-as-pleasure…etc.

    --No Arnica cream to sooth ‘bruising, sprains and injuries’. (Christian’s remedy for a bruising sore ass,

    )

    --The writing is great. Tight, edited and well plotted. It is also quite refreshing when compared to the comic book tone of FSoG.

    --Not just ONE, but TWO main characters with damaged souls. (Yep, Eva has a dark soul too and it controls her.)

    There are some other small similarities to FSoG, but for the most part I found this book stood well on its own. Gideon was a damaged soul, and the relationship between him and Eva often felt like a co-dependent mess and not a true romance. Eva’s past continues to haunt her, so the main question is can two damaged souls build a healthy relationship? Beneath all the layers of their relationship I did believe they will find true love and heal as best they can from their past. I never believed that with Grey and Ana in FSoG. This was a gripping story and I loved watching these two come together and try to get it right.

    If you are holding off reading this because you didn’t like FSoG, you might miss out. If you like dark, edgy erotica romance with great writing, then forget the comparison to FSoG. I can’t wait to see how Sylvia Day closes their story.

    _____________________________________

    The audiobook version of this book is really good! Loved the narrator.

    I think I enjoyed this book even more the second time through. The connection between Gideon and Eva is so deep and emotionally raw, and I think I connected with them even more in my re-read. They are intensely interesting characters, both individually and together as a couple. I picked up on many of the subtle details this time that helps to further explain why they are damaged souls, and why their turbulent relationship might be the healthiest thing for them.

  • Leslie

    Okay, with roughly 100 pages to go, I think I've read enough. I just couldn't finish this book and find myself very disappointed that Ms. Day created her own story based on the wildly popular E.L. James book, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Sure, Christian Grey is now, "Gideon Cross"

    But here's where I'm baffled: Ms. Day is actually a good writer. There's a reason I read as many pages as I did. Beca

    Okay, with roughly 100 pages to go, I think I've read enough. I just couldn't finish this book and find myself very disappointed that Ms. Day created her own story based on the wildly popular E.L. James book, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Sure, Christian Grey is now, "Gideon Cross"

    But here's where I'm baffled: Ms. Day is actually a good writer. There's a reason I read as many pages as I did. Because of that fact, with each turn of the page, my heart sank for her.

    Without going into the meat of this story, if you've read FSOG, you essentially already know it. Yes, the people, places and situations have been jumbled around a bit, but for the most part; (and it pains me to say it since this story had such great potential),

    should have waved a red flag in Day's direction long before it was published.

    This is the first review where I am at a loss for words...

  • Kristin (KC)

    Fell short of my expectations.

    I really wanted to like this book. The first few chapters held promise for me. I felt as though it was well written and had good dialogue. There are terrific reviews, and I picked it up after just having finished FSOG. I assumed it would be everything I was searching for in my next read but, for me, it fell short. My biggest issues were being unable to connect with Gideon at all, and I didn't find that the characters ever came alive. I never felt that the book expla

    Fell short of my expectations.

    I really wanted to like this book. The first few chapters held promise for me. I felt as though it was well written and had good dialogue. There are terrific reviews, and I picked it up after just having finished FSOG. I assumed it would be everything I was searching for in my next read but, for me, it fell short. My biggest issues were being unable to connect with Gideon at all, and I didn't find that the characters ever came alive. I never felt that the book explained what made Eva so different in Gideon's eyes or why he had an immediate obsession with her. They used sex instead of talking through their horrific issues, and it seemed to fix everything and nothing at the same time. I don't mind a steamy read -- but I have to be emotionally connected to a story in order to appreciate it, and with this book, I just wasn't.

    I know there is a sequel, which obviously will explain more of Gideon's character, but I just hate finishing an entire book feeling as though I don't

    one of the lead characters.

    Erotica

    Maximum steam

    Fairly weak and unconvincing. Insta-lust.

    Tormented and damaged. Alpha hero.

    Skimmed the surface of an in-depth storyline.

    Well-written and expressive.

    First person: Heroine

    Yes. Left open for more story.

    Follow up/continues

  • Jill

    Having read and enjoyed a number of Sylvia Day’s historicals I decided to try this contemporary by her. I picked this book up at NetGalley based on the blurb. The book sounded interesting (despite the blurb's faint purple prose), it was categorised as romance and I’ve been on the lookout for more contemporary romances.

    For my enjoyment of contemporary romantic fiction, there has to be at least some believability to the plot, some credibility to the characterisations. The more so for con

    Having read and enjoyed a number of Sylvia Day’s historicals I decided to try this contemporary by her. I picked this book up at NetGalley based on the blurb. The book sounded interesting (despite the blurb's faint purple prose), it was categorised as romance and I’ve been on the lookout for more contemporary romances.

    For my enjoyment of contemporary romantic fiction, there has to be at least some believability to the plot, some credibility to the characterisations. The more so for contemporary fiction, otherwise we’re left with a novel closer to the fantasy genre. And this is where this novel most notably failed for me. Believability.

    Or just the homely, plain, average people? The fat, plump, thin? The big-eared, big-nosed, lank-haired? The neat, but plainly-dressed, the badly-dressed? The everyday people that play the secondary and tertiary roles in fiction. This novel was void of any such realistic characters.

    It's a given in romance that the hero is handsome. Sometimes the heroine is pretty or even beautiful. But the secondary characters here were described almost universally as pretty, good-looking, attractive, beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, stunning, exquisite.

    Even the extras, those usually nameless characters used to fill out the scene – waiters, receptionists, passers-by – were described in the same glowing terms. I may have possibly missed an average-looking character, but it was so over-populated by the beautiful people I wondered if NYC indeed has any ordinary-looking people at all.

    If this was a mistake on the part of the author, I find it hard to believe. If this was deliberate, an attempt to ‘glamorise’ the novel with all these impossibly beautiful people, I suppose she may have succeeded. But what's wrong with having plain or unattractive people in the story? It lends an authentic feel and degree of realism. Otherwise, as here, it pushes contemporary fiction too close to fantasy.

    The next major departure from reality for me was in the characterisation of the hero. This is a man who at the relatively young age of twenty-eight has taken the business world by storm. Not just a comfortably well-off, self-made man. Not just a millionaire. But a billionaire.

    When I look around at the business world’s billionaire tycoons all I see are sagging jowls, pot bellies and thinning hair. In other words, older men. I realise this is fiction, but at least a passing acquaintance with reality is necessary. Why must he be so young? A man in his early 40s or even late 30s would be much more believable.

    I read a book recently where the plot revolved around Hurricane Katrina and was asked if the author was sensitive to the plight of those who were affected. I understand the concern and share it as I too dislike when an author uses a natural disaster, a major calamity, an act of terrorism, a serious social or health issue in a way that feels exploitative.

    I have no problems with authors writing about these events and issues if they’re handled properly, sensitively. Afterall, these things are real. But if it’s going to be used as part of the plot or a character's background, then I want it to be dealt with carefully and believably.

    Day’s ham-fisted attempt to portray a hero with a history of childhood sexual abuse was awkward, unbelievable and offensive. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can spend years dealing with very real, very serious problems. Often they have a number of very deep emotional, psychological, even spiritual issues. Self-worth, self-esteem has often been eroded. Usually therapy, counselling, support and sometimes even medication, are the necessary paths to a fulfilling life. Success in careers, education and relationships, and financial independence is very, very difficult.

    The fact that Cross could possibly become this billionaire business tycoon at twenty-eight, negotiating through all the pain and problems of childhood sexual abuse, is beyond ridiculous.

    Besides the lack of realism...

    If a novel is categorised as a romance

    what I want to feel. The connection, the relationship between the hero and heroine, regardless of the setting, the number or type of sex scenes, the time period or sub-genre. And I simply didn’t feel the romance here.

    There was a lack of emotional connection. There was little chemistry. It lacked any romantic subtleties or affectionate nuances or sweet build-up or passionate climaxes. The sex scenes were not overly explicit. Yet the protagonists' relationship was based strongly on a sexual connection which came off as harsh, sterile and shallow.

    This book relies heavily on the erotic for its appeal. With numerous, over-wrought sexual interludes, this may suit many readers. Some may even consider Cross the ultimate silver-tongued Lothario. A bit of dirty talk in the bedroom between lovers can be wonderfully erotic. The same talk from a near-stranger comes across as creepy, ill-mannered and bizarre.

    But as far as

    goes, both Cross and this novel were about as romantic and charmingly glib as a fourteen year-old schoolboy sniffing around for his first conquest.

    There's something vaguely familiar about the premise of the book. A billionaire businessman with a history of childhood sexual abuse, who's into control, and a dominant.

    Briefly, some of the other issues I had with this novel.

    There were many inconsistencies. For example, Cross is afraid of being at his parents' house, he rarely goes there. Whatever gives him nightmares has happened at this house. Despite this, he has time at one point to stay long enough to go a couple of rounds with the heroine, regardless that he was desperate to leave. I suppose this inconsistency was overlooked so that the setup for the exhibitionist sex scenes could be played out.

    Because of their pasts neither indulge in anal play. Suddenly out-of-the-blue, the heroine announces she wants it. No prior discussion, no build-up, no need of counsel, no step-by-step increments towards including this in their sexual lives. When this has been such a monumental and painful issue for them both in their pasts.

    The heroine who starts out independent and self-assured, seemingly loses these strengths upon meeting Cross. She stumbles around him. She's obsessed and jealous. She gushes on and on about how beautiful he is. She comments (constantly) throughout the novel on how good he smells. While wondering how magnificent he would be in bed, she’s then appalled at his crassness, his profanity when he wants to know if she’s available for sex. Her first response is to always run away when there's a hitch with Cross. Her way of dealing with her problems is too often with alcohol.

    To have either the hero or heroine with a tortured past in romantic fiction is pretty standard. To have both, is stretching it. Yet we have not just the hero and the heroine, but her best friend as well. And her mother and possibly his brother have some real emotional baggage.

    Overall, I found

    terribly melodramatic, unrealistic, with major lapses in character consistency. The hero was crude, crass and lacking charm. Unoriginal, trite and using childhood sexual abuse in such a context, felt too much like trivialising an indescribably painful issue. The romance lacked subtlety. The relationship between the protagonists never seemed to develop from its superficial, sexual beginnings.

    4

  • Remittance Girl

    I decided to read Bared To You because it was sold as a well-written version of Fifty Shades of Grey. To give credit where credit is due,

    is not

    . Her grammar is good, she varies her sentence structures and, although her propensity for purple prose is at times off-putting, she's a competent wordsmith. That being said, I would not want to imply there was anything remotely literary about this book. There isn't. Which is a shame, because someone should start writing literary er

    I decided to read Bared To You because it was sold as a well-written version of Fifty Shades of Grey. To give credit where credit is due,

    is not

    . Her grammar is good, she varies her sentence structures and, although her propensity for purple prose is at times off-putting, she's a competent wordsmith. That being said, I would not want to imply there was anything remotely literary about this book. There isn't. Which is a shame, because someone should start writing literary erotica again.

    It was certainly gratifying to discover that at least this heroine wasn't a 22-year old virgin who'd never masturbated. However, like FSOG, it casts improbably young people in improbably mature situations. Eva is 22, a recent graduate who has landed a job at an ad agency in Manhattan with little to recommend her. She lives in an apartment with a wine fridge and a bi-sexual roommate who tucks bottles of Cristal on ice for her as a favour. Gideon Cross is a 28-year old billionaire who seems to own half of Manhattan.

    I have to admit to being puzzled by the choice of age of the characters, both in this novel and in 50 Shades, until I realized that there is no way the litany of contrived conflicts in the plot would work with even marginally mature grown-ups. It takes characters with hair-trigger reactions, non-existent impulse control and an expectation that your lover comes to you without a past to make the plot move forward. Just like 50 Shades, the story jerks spasmodically along from emo moment to sex scene to emo moment like pawns doggedly inching their way across a chessboard of adolescent over-reactions.

    The sex is interestingly written. It's a rather strange hybrid between female-focused sex acts and the sort of cliché-ridden over-explicit dialogue that people who learn from porn-sites call 'dirty talk'. He's either going down on her repeatedly, or gasping out lovelorn remarks like 'your cunt's so tight'. Well, she's 22. I'm not sure how this goes down with the mommy consumers of mommy porn. Does it remind them to redouble their kegel exercise efforts, or do they resign themselves to saving their pennies for a vaginoplasty?

    Still, I'm unsure whether it's the sex that is supposed to get you off or the conspicuous consumption. The book is littered with brand names. An ever-present materialism thrums like drone through the whole novel and is eerily reminiscent of Bret Easton Ellis's psychopaths obsession with brand names. It is so ubiquitous, I have to wonder if the 'kink' hiding in this story isn't actually subliminal "1% fetishism". Except, of course, the 1% doesn't refer to everything by brand name. It's the wannabe 1% who do that - or psychopaths.

    Along with the consumerism is an unvarying textual obeisance to the buff, ripped, perfect body. No one in this novel has any flaws. No one is plump, no one is bony, no one has acne, no one has visible scars. No one has a single physical shortcoming. It's a world of Calvin Klein ad models, toned and photogenicly sheened in odorless sweat, fucking on the immaculately decorated set of a feature piece for Vogue.

    Their perfect bodies might be read as an ironic juxtaposition to their myriad emotional scars. But probably not. It has the heavy taint of soap opera about it: the baseless, instant jealousies that are conveniently forged into both signs of inner damage and smoldering romantic love. There is a supporting cast of the mildly villainous and the long-sufferingly loyal to provide that friction: catty female rivals and overly affectionate gay friends. Puppets to adorn the rococo melodrama.

    Don't mistake me. There is actually a very compelling and rather serious plot beneath the glutinous and facile emo soup.

    Had this been a novel about two realistic, imperfect, damaged souls who struggled to negotiate a sexual and emotional relationship in the wake of those experiences, it would have been a very good, and very hot, novel.

    But sadly, this novel has used what might have been a very credible and almost insurmountable internal conflict and commoditized it, much like the bodies, the wardrobes, the interior décor and the characters.

    Perhaps I'm just not the right sort of woman to read these types of books. I don't need my fiction strewn with glossy images of super-rich lifestyles, impossibly sculpted bodies, decorated with brand products, or have my fictional mental traumas used to such transparently sensational plot-driven ends. The explicit sex doesn't compensate for the number of times I rolled my eyes while reading this. I miss reading stories about adults.

    Finally, I am quickly recognizing the blatantly mercenary strategy for publishers to manipulate readers into buying into a whole series by shoddily and abruptly ending the first book. Both this book and FSOG used this strategy. It is a supreme comment on how publishers - even the big ones like Random House and Penguin - have become nothing more than Mall-Chain discount sellers. No wonder they are quickly loosing their legitimacy as arbiters of good fiction.

  • Dd

    --

    The story is written from the perspective of Eva Tramell.Because of her new job she has just moved to Manhattan from San Diego.The first time she meets with Gideon Cross,

    .The tension between them is palpable and their

    is nearly

    I really liked the first few chapters,which shows them skirting around each other.It was quite good.

    --

    The story is written from the perspective of Eva Tramell.Because of her new job she has just moved to Manhattan from San Diego.The first time she meets with Gideon Cross,

    .The tension between them is palpable and their

    is nearly

    I really liked the first few chapters,which shows them skirting around each other.It was quite good.

    Gideon says that he wants to fuck her.She is offended to be seen as

    When Gideon asks her what she wants,she says she

    but will like to know something about the person she sleeps with.Gideon agrees.

    It's all well and good.....

    Until the first time they have sex in a limo.A connection forms between them in those moments.Gideon,

    emotionally withdraws.And Eva very,very hurt;runs aways.Gideon of course goes to Eva and tries to make up.

    The next time,Gideon takes her to a hotel room(he owns the hotel)and they have a very good time together.Gideon is in shower,and Eva is about to join him when she finds out that Gideon brings all his women there.

    No.

    .Gideon runs after her and apologizes again.

    This goes on again and again and again...At one point I wanted to shout at the characters--

    GROW UP!!!

    But really their idiocy crosses the normal level the night Eva tells Gideon about the sexual abuse she had to endure when she was a child.Then she becomes upset to see pity and horror in his eyes,not lust.

    Well to stop her from leaving,Gideon does exactly that.

    Still,at night when Gideon has another of his terrifying,somehow sexually related nightmare(it might be that he too was a victim of sexual abuse),Eva asks him to tell her about that.He tries to turn the topic and....

    This time Gideon lets her go.Eva too does not approach him.

    First,she thinks to herself(feeling hurt)--

    When Gideon does not approach her,she thinks(getting very,very hurt)

    Gideon thinks-

    Well it goes on and on and on like this...one amazingly stupid plot after another.

    Well that's all....for now!!

  • Katrina Passick Lumsden

    Oh, my god, you guys, this book! Oh, my god...

    I went into this thinking it was going to be completely and totally lame. Another Fifty Shades of Moronic Writing. Another horrifying testament to the standards which modern writers are apparently held. And do you know what? It

    .

    ....for the most part, I had a good time. How? By laughing uncontrollably at nearly every sex scene (and believe me, there are many

    Oh, my god, you guys, this book! Oh, my god...

    I went into this thinking it was going to be completely and totally lame. Another Fifty Shades of Moronic Writing. Another horrifying testament to the standards which modern writers are apparently held. And do you know what? It

    .

    ....for the most part, I had a good time. How? By laughing uncontrollably at nearly every sex scene (and believe me, there are many).

    There isn't much of a plot, but then, I guess there doesn't really need to be since it's just smut cleverly (*snort*) disguised as literature. But fans generally defend the story, and I've gotta say, as far as stories go, it's pretty lame. I mean, come on, peeps. They're damaged, they're melodramatic, they're whiny and self-absorbed, they're like,

    hot, and the entire "story" is them fucking and then whining about it, and then fucking some more. When I first got started, I was terrified because I hit pretentious wordage in the

    :

    The entire book goes on in a similar vein. Plus there's the added bonus of being told very inconsequential details, like what color shoes Eva's wearing, how many steps she had to climb, how often she eats yogurt to keep regular (I'm making up my own, but you get the gist). Having your eyes raped by adjectives and other useless textual diarrhea does not usually make for a highly compelling read. There is seriously a point where Eva tells the reader how in love she is with New York because it's so different from her hometown of San Diego with all the people and activity and sights and sounds (I'm really not kidding). The first quarter of the book was basically just useless info dump nonsense.

    Things picked up a little bit when Eva first met Gideon, only because the writing in that scene was so ludicrous. Phrases like "exquisite masculinity", "magnificent maleness", "scorching force of will"...and let's not forget such treasures as,

    and

    <--- Try saying that three times fast.

    This was also when I was introduced to Gideon's apparent mind control powers. Eva just goes on and on about how he's put some kind of spell on her, she's inexplicably drawn to him, caught up in his magnetic force, blabbidy blah blah. I suppose it doesn't hurt that Gideon is "savagely gorgeous", and that Eva's eyes "burned just from looking at him".

    But

    Oh, then I got to the good stuff. I'm not saying that as a pervert, but as a lover of all things inappropriately hilarious. If I didn't know any better, I would swear to everything holy that this book is satire. Because while some of the sex scenes were hot, they were almost

    laced with one or two lines that had me laughing so hard I was in tears.

    Without further ado, I'm going to treat you to a small sampling. Seriously, prepare yourselves for this. Take a deep breath, make sure your bladder is empty and that you've got water and aid nearby in case you fall over. And for the love of eye bleach, don't let your kids read it:

    Seriously, is that shit supposed to be

    ? Because it's just not. He can feel his dick through her abdomen? No. That's not how wombs work. Or dicks. Or anything. She calls her ass her rear, and that's silly when you're talking about a guy finger banging your fart box, but when Gideon jammed his finger into her "puckered hole", I nearly lost my dinner/sanity/sense of direction. Just take your pick because my mind shorted out for a few seconds. I hate the word "puckered" and all its variations now. I really wish she'd just called it her puckering poopshoot and at least given the reader the joy of alliteration. Did I mention he's apparently ramming his semen in there? Oh, and this is

    she stands up and drips his load all over the floor, making Gideon all hot and bothered because, apparently, lack of adequate hygiene is a major turn on for rich, neurotic alpha males.

    [Edit 12/21/15: I read mostly m/m romance now, and I've read and enjoyed some pretty raunchy anal sex scenes, complete with semen insertion. And you know what? I still don't find this book hot.]

    At one point, Gideon says he feels a desire to "mark" Eva like she's his property...

    I always get sidetracked when writing reviews like this because all I ever want to focus on is how funny it all is, but maybe you want to hear how the story stacks up, how the characterization is, how the plot progresses, or what the obstacles are. I can probably sum each area up in five words or less.

    Story: Two people fucking.

    Characterization: Cliched and irritating.

    Plot progression: It's two people fucking...?

    Obstacles: Sexual abuse and shallowness.

    Yes, they're both damaged and need each other and he's dark and brooding and she's blonde and angelic and the two of them end up in this mindfuck of a relationship, this monumentally codependent clusterfuck of sex and jealousy and petty mind games, and when I wasn't laughing, I kinda wanted to shoot myself in the face.

    Guess what else?! Gideon gets all rapey when he's sleepy! (No, seriously, he rapes in his sleep...)

    It's stupid.

    Really, really stupid.

    So why two stars? I'll tell you why two stars...

    Happy Reading!


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